I know I used to have a really really bad temper that I like to believe have gotten better over the last decade. Lately, I find that my EQ has gotten quite low, to a point where some have asked me why I'm always so bitter about everything. 文生 even told me today that he doesn't see me as a happy person; that I always let the pessimistic side of things outweigh all the positive. I strongly believe that I'm not normally like this however, he seem to think otherwise.
I always regret every time I throw a temper tantrum and break something, especially something irreplaceable. I once told myself that the stupidest thing to do while releasing negative energy is to break things. First, you'd have to clean it up, then you'd have to replace it. That philosophy lasted quite a number of years until a couple of years ago, when I shredded an entire queen sized duvet cover by hand whilst throwing a fit. Since then, I told myself never again will I have such behaviour and regrettably today, I tore up my bath towel. I blame it all on ... raging hormones?
I think several chemicals in my brain are acting up to give me this behaviour. I screamed at 文生, cried my eyeballs out, swore at a stock lady at T&T, snapped at my mom, and questioned my existence, all in the span of only a few hours. Something must be wrong up there. Maybe my hamster ran so much in its exercise wheel that it burned itself out. Sigh... I think I need a holiday... or seek psychological help... lol.
I wasn't going to document today's events, but thought hey, I'll probably come back to read this one day and laugh at myself for being so stupid.
List of stressors, for the record:
- work (getting screamed at everyday by Purchasers having service issues, being asked the same stupid questions over and over, being asked constantly to 做醜人, etc.)
- selling of condo (decluttering, packing, moving, painting, listing, showing and finally selling)
- Mom's medical condition
- car related issues (body work, clutch replacement and tonight, boiling coolant)
- new condo (constant problems with building, interior of suite, finishes, neighbours, etc.)
- my own health issues (chronic back pain, constant cramps, mood swings)
- lack of time to myself
